Chivalry, should we kill it or let it live?

by Jared Kennedy

Have you ever been in a good relationship where you really liked someone, was always there and would do anything to appease the person you cared about. I remember a few years ago I was dating someone and was going out of my way to make this person happy. After a few months, she started blowing me off and not making time to go out anymore. Usually at the last minute, she would want to go out and seemed to keep me as a backup plan. We would never end the relationship but would go back and forth every week. One day I just stopped caring about what happened and went out with some friends to a club. I still wanted to be with this person but wanted to test out the theory of ” I don’t care attitude”. She called as predicted and I told her I was at a club with some friends and cant see her tonight. I don’t think I even called her the next day. Before you know it, she was all about going out and the relationship was back to normal.

Many articles have been written on the topic and reference being too nice as boring, lacking self confidence, boring or a perception of the person allows people to easily walk all over them. Girls have also mentioned that they would like to keep the nice guy as the perfect back up plan because they know they will always be there. In todays world everything is encompassed around drama, scandal, excitement and mystery. The uptake on reality shows is overwhelming. Some say they get to live vicariously through others. In reality who would sit in a room full of 30 women who are competing to marry a guy and each girl takes there moment to win the guys heart. In reality never but the drama and suspense is there.

Girls and guys alike have said, “I dont get it, I did everything for this person and I couldn’t win their heart”.

Most girls say they want a guy who is confident, independent, funny and at least somewhat successful. Dating sites have shown that the guy posing in front of a trendy apartment or fancy car gets the most hits. Photos of pets is also ranked high. Comparisons and contrasts will be made of previous relationships. Members of both sexes have been through bad experiences. Most of these relationships ended and will be compared in negative ways. So hopefully there aren’t too many similar characteristics to exes. Even if it does arise, good communication can save it. Be careful too much communication and being too open can be bad too. There must be a balance in everything. Nobody wants to hear hours of details on why or why not things aren’t working or what should be done to make things better.

Why do some girls like players vs the nice guy?

The player has confidence, social expertise and knows what to say. There is also a sense of challenge and feeling that they could change them later. It also may depend on what the girl is seeking. At the moment is she seeking fun or something long term. Its important to find a balance in all things. ways to be confident, independent, funny, honest and loyal but not to the extreme. She wants to feel special but not over pressured. It may be important to not express feelings too much as it can be overbearing. I think the true question is with balance.

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